Cue the Pearl and Dean music, we are on for act two of the C Section

In the last post, I didn’t dwell on the actual appearance of our baby after the C Section as I was trying to write as I remembered it and not after referring to much to notes. Still now we are here, let me pad that experience out just a little because I didn’t do the Consultants, Doctor and Nurses the justice they deserved and although recorded, I haven’t mentioned it. You see its tricky.

Although my jottings are pretty thorough, not all make it to the blog as one has to write with a degree of conversation in mind. What I have realised only three posts in, is that there is much more to cover with a greater degree of accuracy and getting a bit more serious in places. If you have any suggestions on how to cover this, I’m all ears! Without further ado though, here’s part 2 of the C Section.

Skin on Skin with Blood and Guts Murphy

Ahmed our consultant had held her aloft with her fist punching the air, grinning the grins of a Cheshire cat who had just wolfed down a particularly tasty bowl of Milk. He was very happy and rightly so. The photo of this is incredible, not least for his lovely teeth.

She had been hosed down ( the baby not Deb ) and the team were about their business on the repair job. This is the bit that takes the time. Whilst that was going on, we were told that Gamp would be ready for a bit of skin on skin if we wanted? Hell yeh! Deb obviously was a bit restricted in her movements and by that I mean she had none except her eyeballs. Still it’s important for a new born to bond as soon as possible so we took them up on the opportunity.

She could just about turn her head and eyes but that’s your lot. 1, she was numb from the norks down. 2, it’s not a good idea to roll around when your stomach has just had a baby removed from it. I recall being given her first and frankly, being a little scared. For the next 5 minutes, we had in our paws, our living, breathing creation.

Mucky, smelly and simply adorable but then so was the baby….Boom Boom. I didn’t cry at the time as there is a lot going on but the emotion and adrenalin was overwhelming. Suffice to say there were pools in both our eyes but we weren’t streaming just yet. All the effort and heartache had culminated into this moment, a moment of total completeness. It was mesmerising.

What actually happens?

Good question. As I stated in the last post, I had a reasonable idea but hadn’t really looked at it in-depth. If you want to know what goes on in a C Section, then at some point I will post the gory details. It will be a lot more factual with none of my ready wit thrown in to muddy the bloody waters. At a later date I will explain why we found ourselves on this pathway but that is for another day. What is important is to know are the Pros and Cons of a C Section, what happens and how to prepare for it. That future post will explain it all.

On my own

So now at 1533, I find myself sat alone in the recovery room with our baby. What could possibly go wrong? Apparently these things can, to a degree, run themselves but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous. She felt the same as a battered haggis and broadly speaking, the same texture. What was really cool though was her little alien type eyes and animated movement. If you have been here, you will know what I mean. If you are on your journey now, this for the Husband is one of the finest moments. Nothing to focus on except your new born.

I’ve never really been one to hold other people’s babies as, well, it’s not mine and I just didn’t get it. Now I do and I wasn’t being rude, it just didn’t tick my box. This is a completely different ball game. Here in my idiotic paws was ours. Try as I might, I can’t describe this emotion as I don’t have the vocabulary or intelligence of a decent poet to put it into words but….

What I have realised is that you don’t need to, it just is…

Now when sprogs come out they don’t come out clean. They are covered in Vermix. Essentially natures moisturiser. This is left on and soaks in over the coming days, something by the way which is very cool. Think of a shaved cat, then covering it with E45 cream whilst its heavily sedated and what you will have is nothing like what I was holding. However, I find that image particular amusing and you get the drift. I sat there, humbled and stunned for a full fifteen minutes, just the two of us. Dr Evil and Mini Me….

Like George Clooney and Sandra Bullock in Gravity, kind of floating around in their own little world but unlike the movie, my explosion had happened prior. Still there we sat. Just Gamp and I as if we were the only two on the planet. I know I burbled some bollocks and the camera recorded every single word. That though, is just for us. Aside from a night out in a Berlin which ended with a trip to a place called Mon Cheri’s in 1990, this now took the top spot in my best ‘15 minutes of all time’.

Who the hell is Gamp??

You maybe wondering why I am calling her Gamp? That is for a more serious post when we wind things right back to the beginning. As much as it would be great to write chronologically, there is a huge back story to all this. Many couples may well have been down the same path so it’s definitely worth sharing. More of that soon so like facebook page to stay updated.

Comfortably numb

I was stunned and although elated, the real elation came for me on day two. Anyhoo, my concern was the welfare of Deb and as if on cue, she was wheeled in on what appeared to be a very new bed and not the one used in The Exorcist that I had just seen. Good as gold and in great shape. Although looking like she had been dragged through a bush backwards by the hound of the Baskervilles; whilst set alight and drained of all her energy by said creature, she was on top form. I have to admit it was a major relief.

Her only issue was blurring of vision and this was put down ( correctly as I surmised ) to lack of food, water, sleep and Gamp removal. A chug on some Glucose and a slack handful of toast squared it away. After a while we were moved into our en suite room. It was like a Premier Inn but with a better bed, cups of tea 24hrs and no Lenny Henry. Nice.

Its basic but all you needed and we thanked our lucky stars we weren’t out in the other maternity rooms. They are no picnic. For those that have or will  experience the Labour ‘suite’, I feel for you. Avoiding that was worth the C section itself.

Your names not down

The rest of the afternoon is a bit of a blur and aside from a misplaced drip issue, we were well looked after. Some suggest that now is a great time to have the family up to visit? I would suggest that they are f*cking nuts and need slapping round the chops accordingly. We had already made the decison not to have visitors and it proved to be 100% correct. There was no way Deb could have received anyone as she was straight out of Day of the Dead. Along with turning ‘right’ at the top of the stairs in Mon Cheri’s, this was another great decision.

Dehydrated, exhausted and with energy sapped through the floor, how and why people think it’s a good idea to have all and sundry up on the day of birth is totally beyond me. This is your time, take it in and enjoy. You can never ever get it back. Friends and Family can wait and if they love you, they will understand.

Chaps, you have some jobs to do on delivery day, whichever way your little one arrives. I’ll knock up a handy checklist at a later date so you can tick the boxes and mitigate being accused of being the devil throughout the duration. You are the punchbag, the fixer, the arranger, the messenger, the provider. Its that simple, everything is your fault and its your job to see the family are on the right path. Accept it, get on with it.

I drove home at around 2300 with a massive smile on my face but mentally and physically drained. Not as much as Debs obviously but nonetheless, pretty hooped.  I went to bed and crashed instantly, waking only to rollock Cuba ( cat ) who was poised to jump out of the bedroom window at 0530.

As the sun rose gently across the Island, the warmth of its glow slowly crept through the trees bringing on a really cool realisation, Star Wars style. I was a Father, like my Father before me..


Next time

We will revisit the C Section for one final time but for next week, although we have welcomed Life, we also have to accept Death.